[Story] Fallen Immortal Son: Rebirth in the World of Magic; A Cultivating Mage.

Title: Fallen Immortal Son: Rebirth in the World of Magic; A Cultivating Mage.
Author: DrunkenShadow
Genre(s): Magical Realism
Tags:
Audience: G
Main Lead: Male
Status: Ongoing
Number of Chapters: 32
Date of First Release: October 17, 2018
Date of Last Update: December 17, 2018
VB Assessment Score: TQ 3   PD 1   CF 1   ||   RL 1   CL 2   ||  Overall: 8
VB Reviewed? No
Number of Views: 277.5 K
Number of Reviews: 7
Synopsis:
Twenty years Old Xuan Ren the Son of Immortal has Fallen in the battle of the ‘Sacred-Purge’ saving the cultivation world from the Demonic infiltration.
Just as he thought he died after he tried to save the World, Xuan Ren woke up in the body of a 16 years old Xuan Ryu, who committed suicide because of his lack of talent in magic and the constant humiliation he received.
Will he learn magic? or just cultivate in the world of Magic?
How does the Magic world works?

Review(s)

b*Remember, this review is based on the first 5 chapters*
Constructive Criticism: I suggest you just declare and go on a Hiatus until you have 10 chapters ready for us, then you publish them at a rate of one a week until either you are finished writing the story or feel that going back to one a day would still leave you plenty of room for the story. Also, in the first few chapters you give us information that we will need by just throwing us the information, not even relating it directly to the plot… I suggest you make it to where it’s part of the MC’s memories explained to us or the MC overhears someone else explaining the information, it flows more that way.
Positive Feedback: up to the two most recent chapters, you did well with keeping your updates stable, also, you did let us know around the beginning of your gaps of updates why you had the gaps, good going there.;,;. also you have a good story that is well written, just not always well executed.;,;.
Personal Feedback: I enjoy and will continue reading this novel.
Score: SD 4/5 Rest 5/5

InfernalRhage: While this is definitely a promising novel there are a few flaws that I feel need to be addressed in order for it to reach its potential.
Writing quality: 3/5- It may not be the worst novel I have read in terms of writing quality there are numerous grammatical and spelling errors throughout. Add in random missing words and it definitely leaves something to be desired.
Stability of updates: 5/5- The author has given us 24 chapters in 13 days at this point with 2 chapters a day being the norm I have no complaints.
Story Development: 4/5- While it is still early in the novel it seems to be developing at a steady pace. There are a few issues with the character development that could be fixed but nothing to major.
Character Design: 1/5- The MC is in serious need of an overhaul. I swear this guys personality is like watching someone with multiple personality disorder. I get his soul is a fusion of two different people and he doesn’t want to choose one personality over the other but come on. On one had you have the soul of a powerful sword immortal who once stood at the apex of cultivation, on the other the soul of a obese bullied cripple with no backbone. A proper fusion would give you a slightly arrogant attitude that is also willing to listen to reason. Instead what we get is your basic Japanese protagonist who lets his “teacher” walk all over him, while at other times he is vicious and uncaring such as the scenes where he is dealing with his bully’s. This at times makes reading this story extremely painful. I’m sorry but with the history given for the MC he should in no way be such a passive beta. Then you got the recently introduced granddaughter of his “master” who upon seeing him in his slimmer form asks him to marry her. While this is understandable looks do influnce how people treat someone it goes as far as the girl who is 7 years younger than the MC getting aggressive with the MC’s teacher who it states is like a big sister to her. This is in no way realistic you are not gonna risk ruining a relationship with someone who is like family for someone you just met minutes before.
World Background: 4/5- While the world is still being revealed to us most of the info is given to us in chunks of authors notes at the begining of each chapter. Firstly these are distracting from the story and should be removed and placed in an auxiliary chapter. Next while you can say the MC didn’t need to learn this due to the memories he gained during the soul fusion, I feel the need to point out you have stated the original soul of the body he is currently in was suffering from brain damage. Why would he just accept the information received from someone with brain damage without even trying to double check any of it I mean come on he is attending an academy how hard is it to visit the library and read a few books on the world he is living in?
While it may seem like I am being unreasonable harsh in my review I got to say I really enjoyed the concept of this story and think that with some tweaks it would easily become a great novel.
Story Post Last Updated: March 18, 2019

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s