[Story] I Left the World as Villager A, but Suddenly Became a Mecha Pilot.

Title: I Left the World as Villager A, but Suddenly Became a Mecha Pilot.
Author: UnliMegane
Genre(s): Science Fiction
Tags:
Audience: PG
Main Lead: Male
Status: Ongoing
Number of Chapters: 28
Date of First Release: January 22, 2019
Date of Last Update: February 19, 2019
VB Assessment Score: TQ 3   PD 2   CF 2   ||   RL 2   CL 3  ||  Overall: 12
VB Reviewed? No
Number of Views: 54.2 K
Number of Reviews: 18
Synopsis:
Myst Evrard was your typical rural village kid. He once dreamed of fame and a life of adventure but quickly gave up on the idea after realizing he just wasn’t cut out for that sort of stuff.
It didn’t really help that his childhood best friend became a monster and demon slaying hero and his first crush turned out to be a long lost princess of the kingdom.
When he finally decided to live a mundane village life, he suddenly encounters an unfortunate accident and dies.
Just when he thought things couldn’t possibly get any worse…
When he opened his eyes next, fully expecting to find himself in the netherworld, what he saw was…
A giant robot?!
What the heck was going on?
He’s unexpectedly “transmigrated” into the body of Ryuu Creed – a guy who was suddenly thrust in the midst of political turmoil and military intrigue because of his family, and forced into the role of a test pilot for a top secret military project.
Will “Alice” find the way back through the “Looking Glass”?

Review(s)

Jamison_C: I like the mind twist when that fantasy setting turns into a sci-fi setting.
I also like that the author has clearly put in effort into researching sci fi themes and terms and has flavoured his work with it, granting a more robust sci-fi feel. Thumbs up!

Darkjokes: The story seems really interesting so far. The character appearances and how they interact with each other is perfect and well since I’m a fan of gore I’d read most of the things that are gory yours does a quite good job. Keep it up and I’m looking forward to the new chapters

UnburntWolf: This was an awesome book, definitely not what I’m used to since I prefer fantasy and romance. This is a Sci-fi, medieval twist based novel. Excellent writing and perfect description of characters. For a character who thought he was ordinary, wasn’t so ordinary at all. Great book. Short and sweet and descriptive.

StenDuring: This review is part of a review swap and valid as of chapter 16.
This is a reversed transported to another world / reincarnated in another world story. It adds the extra spice of both characters involved in the transit retaining their memories, even though it seems to be one entity rather than two conflicting souls sharing one body.
This is a story I’m sad to review, because the whole is less than the sum of the parts. Part by part it’s a solid five stars all over, but when put together there are cracks in the picture.
It all starts out as a campfire tale, the kind where you, the reader, have to envision yourself sitting at a campfire listening to a wizzened greybeard telling the tale of his youth.
Sure there are tense errors that can’t be chalked down to the taleteller wavering between the tale in the past and his comments about that past, but they’re minor and don’t disturb the flow.
And it’s all wonderfully told from that very special first person point of view.
Then we have the transit.
Suddenly story-snippets in third person point of view are inserted, and for me this is a big no-no. Deciding to run a story in first person allows the author some leeway when it comes to tenses. As an author you get close and personal with the reader, but it comes at the cost of a smaller world, one limited to what can be experienced by the narrator. Adding third person snippets is cheating.
The world transited to isn’t modern Earth. It’s our far future. So kudos for a great setting. Fantasy land goes visiting space opera.
Then things get horribly confusing. Flashbacks all over the place, long sections of third person narration just occasionally interspersed by what the main character experiences, back to the now, next flashback, back to the now, next flashback, and after I while I suffer from temporal car-sickness.
Stars.
Writing: Four stars. Near perfect langage accompanied by mixing first person and third person point of views randomly inserted in the story.
Updates: Five stars. Perfect.
Story: Three stars. Each and every single part is a rock solid five star chunk, but when joined together we have an unholy mess.
Character: Five stars. No discussion. Superb characterisation.
World: Five stars. Same here. Superb depiction of the setting, or in this case, settings.
Lastly, this is a tale that should have been told straight for the sake of coherence, but readers should give it a chance, because as soon as the temporal chaos is taken care of you’ll be reading one hell of a Sci-Fi story told in all but perfect native English where the very language used have a personality of its own.

TalenX: I generally have a rule that I don’t review a story of less than 300 chapters, so reviewing one with less than 50 is a definite first.
The easiest way for me to describe your story would be a diamond cut by an jeweler who will eventually become a master of his craft. It’s somewhat rough and possesses some obvious flaws but it was obviously well thought out and executed to the best of your ability.
If that sounds unpleasant go ahead and ignore it. The key part I want you to realize is that this is where you are now and I think you’ll go far beyond it eventually. There is a semi-famous saying among writers that “your first million words are practice”. This is part of that.
I usually don’t give targeted advice, because a.) it can be wrong and b.) sometimes you need to figure it out for yourself. I’ll break that here because I have a lot of hope for the author you will grow into.
First you need to understand the idiom of “Show, Don’t Tell”. Almost all of Myst’s introduction was recounting what happened and consequentially was very passive. By just recanting what happened to him your not only not letting readers discover things and form their own opinions, your also creating a barrier that prevents them from caring about your characters. Readers care because they experience things with your characters.
Second you need to work on your pacing. To be frank your story happened too damn fast. If you were where you are in the plot at closer to a hundred chapters in then you’d be better off. Characters get introduced and events happen at a break neck speed that if executed correctly would suck your readers in and have them captivated, but the flip side is that if the timing is off you leave your readers disoriented and wondering what just happened, confused about whether they should care about it.
Your characters are exceptional though, even though they would benefit from better introductions and handling. Frankly you made the bold decision to introduce your MC from a point of failure, not just a low point in his life caused by external forces or ‘fate’ but one of his own making. This is exceptional, especially considering that most of what people put up here are masturbatory power fantasies as opposed to legitimate stories. You set your story apart with your characters and to a lesser degree your use of dialog.
Keep writing, write a lot and write ahead if you can. Stories that rely on their characters to carry them need to update more often then stories that are moved by specifics of plot. Your readers read because they ‘care’, if there are large gaps in updates then you’ll lose them.
Story Post Last Updated: March 21, 2019

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s