[Story] Primordial Remnants

Title: Soul of the Primordial Remanent (old version: Primordial Remnants)
Author: LordSlayer (old account: ruen)
Genre(s): Fantasy
Tags: Magic, Adventure, Action, Eastern Fantasy
Audience: NC-17
Main Lead: Male
Status: Dropped
VB Assessment Score: PDE 2   CDD 2   SWB [-]   || TQ 2   SV [-]   ||  Overall: 6 (3 factors from old assessment system)
Number of Chapters: 0 (old version currently 1, formerly 20)
Chapter Length: Medium
Reading Level: Low
Date of First Release: September 5, 2018
Date of Last Update: March 17, 2019
VB Reviewed? No
Available on Platform(s): Webnovel
Number of Views: 159.2K
Number of Reviews: 11 (7 on old version)
Long, long ago, before the Age of Gods, Illipra was a primordial land of death and decay. Destroyed, left to desolation, following the battle between The First Paragon and Szornix, the strongest there ever was. Much later, God Zarieun revitalized the abandoned world, calling it Illipra, after his precious beloved.
After he introduced mortals to the world, he gifted the divided land a common language. He even established a Gods Throne for the people of Illipra, turning it into a major world before departing to pursue greater power.
At the end of the Age of Gods, many gods ruled Illipra, however, one day they all mysteriously disappeared from the world, creating a mini era, the Age of Heroes. This enormous power vacuum left the world into chaos and darkness once again. Although it gave birth to many legendary heroes, it left the world torn apart.
People sought after the Gods Throne for greater power, yet after thousands of years of war, the Gods Throne destroyed, while remnants of it plundered by the greedy. Now, after thousands of years, In the Current Era, a young boy steps out of an ancient forest to start his journey.


DriftingCloud123: Good story, a constructive critique would be to make a schedule of releases and to stick to it.
As for the story itself, it has great potential, I love the mix of western and eastern factors that appeal to a big audience. The strong suit of this story is definitely the world building which feels big and full of life. If you like to read fantasy, give this story a shot.

tiansheng: I think you do a good job in mixing western and eastern fantasy (I’m a sucker for fantasy). The story and world building also seem to progress at a steady pace. However, you have some glaring grammatical issues which appear odd because you possess a rich vocabulary (you can try using Grammarly to fix some of those). As long as you can fix those issues, I believe your writing will become outstanding.
Lastly, stretching the prologue across several chapters is, in my humble opinion, something you should try to avoid as it can frustrate the readers and feel like you’re dragging the story.
As for the story itself, for now, I can’t say much about it since I’m only in the sixth chapter, but if the prologue is any indication, it should be quite interesting. Best of luck to you!

The HeavenlyPoop: The reason we relate to a reincarnated protagonist from the first chapter is that we know a secret about them that no one else knows.
This book doesn’t have such a protagonist, so it is difficult to hook the readers unless you promise them tits. Moreover, the protagonist starts as a child, so it’s even harder to relate to him.
Though you will relate to him as he slowly discovers his mysterious origin. As a reader, you will know things that will keep you facilitated towards the protagonist. Just let him grow a while.

Froschmo: Hello, here is Fro~~! To be honest, it is still to early to give review since there was only a prologue in the story. And Im not quiet understand what has happening in the prologue. But since I promised, I will try my best to review your story. Writing quality : narrative description is good and easy to read. But there are a lot of typos and grammar mistakes. I put some comments in the chapters, you can check them. You also mixed the tenses, present tense and past tense are misplaced, better use one of them instead mixing. Story development : since there was only prologue, I will review them. There are many character that appeared on the prologue, but because of vague description, I felt like a bystander instead entering the story. Almost all character are neutral in the prologue, so I dont know which ones was more important. You didnt explain clearly what purpose the woman attack the god’s cell for, and I can only vaguely comprehend, it was for releasing etheral king? I thought it would be for appearance of MC (etheral king), but then the last mysterious figure that appeared threw my guess away. Then I realized I didnt quiet understand what has happening after all haha 😅
Character design : it is still early, so all character hasnt quiet show their appearance, I didnt even know which one the MC hahah. Need to flesh out the character more.
World building : I guess, it is a good enough for prologue, since there was no need too much of explanation of world building in the prologue. At least I understand the world description.
Well, it is still early to say, this story is great or not, but the prologue is interesting enough to make reader curious. This story has good potential, just need to improve the grammar and reduce the typos. Keep the hard work, ruen!!

SnoozySloth: This novel reminds me of Desolate Era. It’s too early to say for sure what it will be like though.
Writing Quality 4/5: There are some mistakes in each chapter that stand out. Usually misspelled words. Or using ‘the’ instead of ‘they’. It hurts the flow a little, but it’s not bad.
Updates: 5/5? Not sure how long this novel has been around for since I just read it.
Story Development: 4/5. There’s a story… but I had a hard time following the prologue. Too much going on with too many unexplained concepts being introduced. I feel like you need a strong background in having read chinese webnovels to understand it. However, the story quickly improved as it went. Each chapter was clearly better than the previous one.
Character design: 3/5: I haven’t really seen much character design yet. Characters in the prologue are barely described so I can’t imagine them, I imagine this will improve once a few chapters past the prologue develop.
World Background: 4.5/5. I see a lot of potential here. I’d like to see something on the scale of Desolate Era develop.
Final thoughts for the author: I think the prologue is hurting your story more than helping it. Take that with a grain of salt though. It’s a little early to make big judgement calls like that.
I saw your reply to Fro_Nekota’s review. You specified in your reply:
‘The main purpose of the prologue was to give the mc strong opponents by the mass resurrection of powerful souls.’
My recommendation: Do the mass resurrection without the prologue. Then we get to follow the protagonist journey as he discovers the mystery behind why all these powerful souls resurrected.

Story Post Last Updated: October 11, 2020


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