[Story] Primordial Remnants

Title: Primordial Remnants
Author: ruen
Genre(s): Fantasy
Tags:
Audience: NC-17
Main Lead: Male
Status: Ongoing
Number of Chapters: 20
Date of First Release: September 5, 2018
Date of Last Update: March 17, 2019
VB Assessment Score: TQ 2   PD 2   CF 2   ||   RL 1   CL 3  ||  Overall: 10
VB Reviewed? No
Number of Views: 78 K
Number of Reviews: 6
Synopsis:
Illipra is an ancient world created by god Zarieun. He named his world after his beloved Illipra. He created a magic throne for the people of Illipra and turned it into a Major world before leaving to pursue greater power. Many gods later ruled Illipra but one day they all mysteriously disappeared from the world. This left the world into chaos.
The enormous power vacuum gave rise to many heroes and left the world torn apart. People pursued the Gods throne for greater power but after thousands of year the Gods throne was destroyed and remnants of it plundered by the greedy. Now after a thousand years, a young boy walks out of the forest and start his journey.

Review(s)

tiansheng: I think you do a good job in mixing western and eastern fantasy (I’m a sucker for fantasy). The story and world building also seem to progress at a steady pace. However, you have some glaring grammatical issues which appear odd because you possess a rich vocabulary (you can try using Grammarly to fix some of those). As long as you can fix those issues, I believe your writing will become outstanding.
Lastly, stretching the prologue across several chapters is, in my humble opinion, something you should try to avoid as it can frustrate the readers and feel like you’re dragging the story.
As for the story itself, for now, I can’t say much about it since I’m only in the sixth chapter, but if the prologue is any indication, it should be quite interesting. Best of luck to you!

Froschmo: Hello, here is Fro~~! To be honest, it is still to early to give review since there was only a prologue in the story. And Im not quiet understand what has happening in the prologue. But since I promised, I will try my best to review your story. Writing quality : narrative description is good and easy to read. But there are a lot of typos and grammar mistakes. I put some comments in the chapters, you can check them. You also mixed the tenses, present tense and past tense are misplaced, better use one of them instead mixing. Story development : since there was only prologue, I will review them. There are many character that appeared on the prologue, but because of vague description, I felt like a bystander instead entering the story. Almost all character are neutral in the prologue, so I dont know which ones was more important. You didnt explain clearly what purpose the woman attack the god’s cell for, and I can only vaguely comprehend, it was for releasing etheral king? I thought it would be for appearance of MC (etheral king), but then the last mysterious figure that appeared threw my guess away. Then I realized I didnt quiet understand what has happening after all haha 😅
Character design : it is still early, so all character hasnt quiet show their appearance, I didnt even know which one the MC hahah. Need to flesh out the character more.
World building : I guess, it is a good enough for prologue, since there was no need too much of explanation of world building in the prologue. At least I understand the world description.
Well, it is still early to say, this story is great or not, but the prologue is interesting enough to make reader curious. This story has good potential, just need to improve the grammar and reduce the typos. Keep the hard work, ruen!!

SnoozySloth: This novel reminds me of Desolate Era. It’s too early to say for sure what it will be like though.
Writing Quality 4/5: There are some mistakes in each chapter that stand out. Usually misspelled words. Or using ‘the’ instead of ‘they’. It hurts the flow a little, but it’s not bad.
Updates: 5/5? Not sure how long this novel has been around for since I just read it.
Story Development: 4/5. There’s a story… but I had a hard time following the prologue. Too much going on with too many unexplained concepts being introduced. I feel like you need a strong background in having read chinese webnovels to understand it. However, the story quickly improved as it went. Each chapter was clearly better than the previous one.
Character design: 3/5: I haven’t really seen much character design yet. Characters in the prologue are barely described so I can’t imagine them, I imagine this will improve once a few chapters past the prologue develop.
World Background: 4.5/5. I see a lot of potential here. I’d like to see something on the scale of Desolate Era develop.
Final thoughts for the author: I think the prologue is hurting your story more than helping it. Take that with a grain of salt though. It’s a little early to make big judgement calls like that.
I saw your reply to Fro_Nekota’s review. You specified in your reply:
‘The main purpose of the prologue was to give the mc strong opponents by the mass resurrection of powerful souls.’
My recommendation: Do the mass resurrection without the prologue. Then we get to follow the protagonist journey as he discovers the mystery behind why all these powerful souls resurrected.
Story Post Last Updated: March 20, 2019

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