[Story] White Queen Ascending

Title: White Queen Ascending
Author: Xephyre
Genre(s): Fantasy
Tags:
Audience: PG
Main Lead: Female
Status: Ongoing
Number of Chapters: 22
Date of First Release: September 3, 2018
Date of Last Update: January 21, 2019
VB Assessment Score: TQ 3   PD 0   CF 1   ||   RL 1   CL 2   ||  Overall: 7
VB Reviewed? Yes
Number of Views: 147.7 K
Number of Reviews: 19
Synopsis:
She was abandoned by her family and sold as a slave.
She was forced to kill her fellow children inside a cage while being watched by nobles as an entertainment.
She has grown into a beautiful flower filled with thorns.
She promised herself that someday, she’ll rise and ascend to the top.
But, is she a fated person or a cursed one?

Review(s)

lerrech: Overall the story is interesting and the plot is good. It’s good where it matters – interesting, engaging and characters you can feel for and support. Nice writing for the conversations, emotional and meaningful! Feels like watching an anime.
Areas for improvement:
Very minor logical points which wont detract from story e.g. how she found out about the forest and path (maybe it is revealed later).
Grammar and sentence structure (nothing an editor wont fix)
Typos

SnoozySloth: I love this novel. The MC is awesome and feels like a real person. The world building is very descriptive. I look forward to the future chapters.
Writing Quality 4.5/5: Some minor grammatical mistakes here and there. Nothing major. It shouldn’t impact your enjoyment of the novel at all.
Updates 5/5: New novel and already has 4 chapters.
Story Development: 5/5. She has a clear goal. Now she needs to find her path to it =)
Character Design 5/5: MC and her friend are both great! I like them both.
World Background 5/5: The author has great descriptions for the world. I think we’ll see it become very fleshed out as chapters continue.

Verithoz: It’s good.
Don’t usually go for stories with only one chapter posted, but that picture caught my eye,
and then the first chapter just caught me Hook, line and sinker.
Didnt even notice the grammar since the story flowed so well regardless.
Really liked the interactions between the Mc and the “too pure for those bastard lowlifes” boy, as well as how you tell her view of the arena visit as well as her insight of the opponent and reminiscing of their likeness.
Don’t have much in terms of world background yet, but that is quite understandable as we haven’t spent the most of time outside of a cell.
However of what I have read so far it seems fascinating.
Overall It seems to be shaping up to be quite the enjoyable gritty and realistic(as realistic a fantasy can get) story with an awesome Mc and obviously marvelous epic author(what? Exaggeration because I got mentioned twice in notes you say!? Pssh, no such thing, I’m not that easy! *cough* *cough*).
Tried to keep the review to the first chapter since I wanted to avoid being too spoilery, and you only really need to read the first chapter to know if it’s a story for you.
I look forward to the continuation of this little gem, and hope you will aswell.

Froschmo: The story is interesting, a strong female character against the whole world. It is a good story, has a lot of potential. I like the scene of fight between the girl with a boy in the cage for entertaintment. It showed the girl’s cruel side, and her madness after being locked up. But I think you could use more detail description in the way the girl pulled out the boy’s eyes, like sound of tearing eye muscles, or spurting a lot of blood, you could also add some cheering or crazy shouting from the audience for their enjoyment. In the third chapter, you should add a more detail description in the fight between amias and the chasing guys to make them more interesting. There are some grammar mistake, the most ones is about mixing a past tense with present tenses. My grammars isnt good enough to comment a lot, but you should could use one consistent form instead for your story description, either use a present tenses or past tenses for all of them except the character’s talking. I also add some comment in each chapters, you can check them. But overall this is really good story. Keep the hard work!!

yvxii: Writing Quality: 3.5/5
Your chapters are well-written in the sense that there is vivid description which enhances your story. The structure of your chapters are good too, the paragraphs are separated decently. The only thing that’s preventing me from fully enjoying your novel in regard to this aspect is the grammar and mechanics. There are a few abrupt changes in tense, and incorrect use of commas. You can easily fix this though, and it will improve the flow of the chapters.
Stability of Updates: 5/5
The releases of your chapters are pretty consistent, keep it up ^ – ^
Story Development: 4/5
I like the development of your novel so far. You have introduced the background and situation of the protagonist, and brought your readers along with Luciana on her journey to become stronger. You haven’t dragged out the introduction and instead written each event succinctly, which is a plus. I’m interested in reading how the story will progress ~
Character Design: 4/5
From the beginning of the first chapter, you have clearly presented the personalities of your characters. I like how you have described their physical features and also hinted at their personal motivations and backgrounds. You have utilised dialogue well, the nature of these characters are reflected in their conversations and interactions with one another.
World Background: 4/5
One thing I really like about how you have executed your worldbuilding is the way you presented it. Readers can gain an understanding of the world not only through the description of the physical elements but also via the interactions and mannerisms of the characters. On the other hand, I recommend that you also add more sensory detail (sight, sound, smell, taste, touch) in your writing. This way, your readers can immerse themselves deeper into the world you have created.
Story Post Last Updated: March 18, 2019

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