[Story] What in this world! Oh… Wait a minute. It’s another world.

Title: What in this world! Oh… Wait a minute. It’s another world.
Author: DeJeL
Genre(s): Fantasy
Tags:
Audience: PG
Main Lead: Male
Status: Ongoing
Number of Chapters: 32
Date of First Release: May 2, 2018
Date of Last Update: January 15, 2019
VB Assessment Score: TQ 2   PD 1   CF 1   ||   RL 1   CL 3   ||  Overall: 8
VB Reviewed? No
Number of Views: 130.8 K
Number of Reviews: 42
Synopsis:
One day Dawson Sen was in a hurry to get to school and was nearly hit by a bus. However, when he looks to see the bus that almost hit him there was no bus, rather it was a rift in spacetime which appeared in its place. An entrance to another dimension, without being given a chance to investigate he is pulled into the portal.
On the other side of the portal was…

Review(s)

 

Zhen_Xin: It’s an interesting read where I can see the author improving every chapter. There are very few grammatical errors, but of course there are still some problems( this will not affect the reading experience much though)
The author chose a very interesting path by making the novel first person so this may or may not change your opinion on the novel.
The characters are developed decently but I don’t really feel a… connection with some of them.
The novel also seems to be taking a more western route. (It seems more western to me but maybe not to others)
My biggest problem with the novel is it’s update schedule which seems very erratic. My suggestion is to save this in a library and wait for a while before picking it back up while also supporting the author with votes.
The novel overall is very good from what I’ve read and I have no doubt that the author worked very hard on it, so keep up the good work and I will look forward to future updates.

Neverender: At first glance, I wouldn’t say this novel is good. In fact, it’s even a little bad. However, reading on, I could tell that there’s a good amount of passion poured into the story, even though the execution can be somewhat clumsy.
In this novel, the flaws are many. For starters, the dialogue are all cluttered into the same paragraph, making it difficult to tell who’s talking during any given scene. Thankfully that is fixed in later chapters but it really made it difficult for me to get into the story at the beginning.
Next is the story. Early on, the flow of the story is quite a bit of a mess, with far too many things going on to follow. It feels like the author is a little too impatient when writing, cramming way too much story elements and exposition with hardly any space for me to breathe when reading them. It was as if I’ve been put onto a roller-coaster ride that runs at full speed from the beginning and then just kept getting faster and faster. Thankfully, up to the point I have read, there are signs of things slowing down and the story having a better pacing.
All in all, this story have some interesting ideas that are unfortunately not executed all that well in the beginning. But, as I read on, I can certainly see improvements happening steadily. Hopefully, in future chapters, the author learns to be a little more patient and slow down a little. If that is done, I think there’ll be a lot more space to flesh out the ideas being presented and making them even more enjoyable to read.

ImBloo: Writing quality: 3/5
* The first few chapters were a nightmare to read, especially on a mobile device, because of the good ol’ wall o’ text. Fortunately later chapters got better.
* The style of writing dialogue, with the character name in parentheses at the end of each line, weirds me out. It feels like some one was spying on the characters and transcribing everything they say, and I’m reading that transcript. BUT if you were going for the style of Japanese web novel then please ignore what I just wrote.
Stability of Updates: 5/5
Seems stable enough
Story Development: 2/5
Because of the writing style, it’s really hard to see where the story is progressing. It just seems… whimsical to me, somehow. The POV shift also seems random an arbitrary.
Character Design: 3/5
I seriously cannot tell many of the female characters apart. Maybe you should think more about sprinkling their description, action and mannerism between dialogue.
World Background: 2/5
Most of the time it feels like a sitcom. I’m watching characters interacting with each other in a room, without the feeling of a larger world. Characters do mention a generic sounding fantasy world, but most of the time I cannot tell what kind of details that world possesses.
You seem really passionate about this work. So I hope you’ll keep improving!!!

Froschmo: Ony one thing that Fro could say after Fro read your earliest chapter. I felt like I just took a ride on a super duper fast train and pushed through any obstacles upfront without care lol. I felt so dizzy and my eyes were hurt! Seriously you should edit your earliest chapter to attract more reader. It was too rushed, I knew you are trying to show it was first person’s pov, but you should at least put some spacy and coma in each sentences. You also need put at least some description of the situasion/emotion because it felt too rush and a bit bland. For example in chap 2 or 3 (I forgot) when ernest (dawson father) met his son for first time, he should at least show a bit emotion. With your rushing, he seemed just “oh you are my son? Okay, then. End of topic, I dont care.” It was just my interpretation, I dont ask for emotional meeting, just at least he should show some surprise or happiness after seeing his son who was separated by him for years. However I can see a lot of improvement on your later chapters and the story also began to form on its essence. Your story has a good potential, just your writing need an improvement. That why I said you should edit your earliest chapter to attract more reader. Honestly even I am attracted to this novel because of the title the title. There was just two thing that bugged me a bit. Instead using a name of character behind the talking, why dont you use the normal telling like your writing before? Like ‘he said, carmen said, his father said etc’
To make them more alive, put some description of emotion behind them. For example : “I miss you, carmen.” I said to my beloved fiance as I stared at her with overflowing love. Something like that description. And then the second thing was about the image word you put each time showing something, I dont know if you actually have the images you mention, but since in the webnovel cant insert any picture and also there was some readers who was too lazy to check some images from some link (like me, yes! Definitely!), you should put some description of image instead just word like you mention. For me its bit disturbing. Well, enough of my rambling, I dont want to make you read a lot of my nonsense garbage. So I just want to say, this is really good story, keep your hard work. I see you have a lot improvement, I am sure, you will become even better in the future in your writing and put alive your imagination in your novel.
Story Post Last Updated: March 18, 2019

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