Webnovel Story. Genre(s): Romance Fiction. # of Chapters: 6
TQ 3 PD 2 CF 1 || RL 2 CL 3 || Overall: 11
Important Note: There is a big difference between a webnovel–a story of the internet and mobile world–and a published book. Besides straightforward editing, published stories are constantly polished to be more engaging, meaningful, and clear. So a successful webnovel doesn’t equate to the same caliber of a published novel. This is due in part to an online writer typically being a one man/woman show. Thus, reviews will be given as if regarding whether this could be a published print or e-book.
All 6 chapters were covered in this review.
Technical & Writing Style:
No real criticisms here. Your punctuation and grammar is correct throughout, and you use a variation of sentence structures to make it interesting. Your paragraphing is also well done. The dialogue too doesn’t dominate the character’s interactions and is interspersed with their thoughts, feelings, and gestures. You have good descriptions where necessary.
The only part that interrupted your consistency is the word “crèches” in chapter 4. While it means nursery, it is British and originally French, so it doesn’t fit in a Chinese setting. It’s ok to use the word nursery instead.
Xueshan, Ren – Although the snow god’s proposal seems rather sudden, this isn’t uncommon for gods of all cultural myths to “love at first sight.” The differentiation of the “her own country’s gods were perfect gentlemen in comparison,” was nice. He has a good sense of humor, and she is likable and relatable in her struggles and concerns.
Shaonu – In chapter three, her declaration to ruin the couple is somewhat laughable for her as the antagonist; it’s typical of a jealous woman, but the way she speaks is rather fresh; although, it seems in general, that is how the gods speak here. “should demons in hell crack my bones to suck out the marrow, I will see them suffer first.” Even though she plays an integral part in spurring the initial predicaments, she’s somewhat of a forgettable character.
Chang-o, Pi-hsia-yuan-chun, the rest at the wedding – These names are rather unique btw, even for a Chinese name. The first two’s characters aren’t covered completed, but it is enough for the events at hand.
Nainai – A rabbit guardian, nice.
Cammie, Michael – Adoptive parents, a good point of difference compared to other novels as it’s uncommonly written. Cammie was more defined than Michael, but overall, she didn’t have much detail to her character, but she had enough for the scene. Later on, more of his character is revealed, and this makes for a balanced “good/bad” parents, even if it’s a somewhat common composition. With the second marriage, he momentarily becomes of little importance as a pushover to Brenda, but again his character redevelops as he defends Val in the Jack assault. Whether he’ll keep to that is unforeseen with the pregnancy.
Alison, Judy, Brenda, Brandi, Jack – Judy is a decently made character, but she doesn’t have much distinguishing features except the new caretaker/true replacement “mom.” Still, she’s one of the more likable characters. Brandi is the typical sibling of a second marriage along with the typical Chinese heritage insults. Brenda is also the typical biased step-mother; still, her rude character is done well. Jack is a creepy pervert and does his role well no matter how uncouth or cliche his character is.
Plot & Detail:
The story moves at a good pace and skips time when necessary and focuses on important events. The curse was also clearly understood, and the contents, clever.
The part about “Emerica” was quite comedic, a nice touch. Overall, the explanation of the adoption process and China’s policy it had some years ago bring a nice modernness/current events feeling to this story. Compared to other Chinese novels with gods, this is a good differentiation to have—modern times rather than historical.
The description of Mrs. Bun-bun was vivid without being too graphic.
This novel is well written and has a characteristic style that is yours alone. Actions and events are described with sufficient depth and skipped over where not important. This all makes for a plot that moves at an engaging pace. Speeches help define the speakers, set up upcoming events, or give necessary information. All the while, they are realistic even if trite at times due to very clear character roles. Characters in general have definition but could use more depth. For example, the love story of Xueshan and Ren. But this is due in part to their short appearances, and this story is still in the early stages, so it might be better to leave as is for the sake of future, more important events that surround the true MC, Val.
Again, because this is only 6 chapters, it’s hard to judge whether the plot or character development is good. At this point, it is sufficient enough to create interest, and your skilled writing abilities help very much in making all the elements engaging. You may already have this planned, but take deep considerations to Val’s depth of character such as her motivations, fears, thoughts, and emotions. This story has great potential.
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