Webnovel Story. Genre(s): Fantasy. # of Chapters: 55.
TQ 3 PD 1 CF 0 || RL 1 CL 3 || Overall: 8
Important Note: There is a big difference between a webnovel–a story of the internet and mobile world–and a published book. Besides straightforward editing, published stories are constantly polished to be more engaging, meaningful, and clear. So a successful webnovel doesn’t equate to the same caliber of a published novel. This is due in part to an online writer typically being a one man/woman show. Thus, reviews will be given as if regarding whether this could be a published print or e-book.
All 55 chapters were covered int his review.
Punctuation and grammar is on point. Just a few technical errors that can fixed with basic proofreading such as, “It was good that Klaud didn’t press further.” – misspelling of Klaus.
This sets up Aeon’s love and interest in magic as well as the basic idea of this world. Not the most interesting starter, but it’s clear and does its job of setting up the story.
Technical note: the Dad’s story to his son doesn’t need to have each sentence as a new line/paragraph. The subjects should be grouped into a form like this (ellipses were used to shorten the text for sake of space):
“A long, long time ago…the five elements.
“However, … Magic, Hecate.
“She took pity …. vitality!
“Shortly after, … one of the elements.
“That, my boy, is the origin of magic.”
Aeon, Suri, Korona – Their first fight together is way, way too long. Even though you did a great job of all the little actions and details, it simply prolonged for too long across about 10 chapters. And even after this, all their adventures together mainly consist of very long fights or class-material explanations and discoveries.
Montis, Klaus, Bell, Rigel, Levi, Dan, Doru, Gavin, Mark, Samuel, Selena, Harold –
Except for the main 3 along with Levi and Klaus, there are too many characters to keep track of with little differentiation between them that would grant them particularly memorable or unique. Some are mentioned again in later events like Mark and Dan, but generally it feels like the characters filled in a certain role and then didn’t have any later importance.
Legend of Kyrie – this is briefly mentioned and never touched upon later. It doesn’t become a source of motivation or continuing idolization for Aeon to follow in his footsteps.
Overall – The characters don’t have much to define themselves with one another. Aeon has the most definition, but he seems a bit too confident of his success or when any dangers arises. More depth, such as motivations, feelings, thoughts, and fears should be delved into. Current characters and their roles in the story should be combined, thereby reducing the total number and allowing readers to better connect with them.
World-building – Serans, Remorans, Meredith Empire, etc.:
This is clear overall, and the uses of Serans and the like make it really feel like another world with its own people and history. However, there isn’t much visual detail of the world. More description could be added to better familiarize and immerse readers into this world.
It was briefly mentioned when regarding the main trio of characters, but the plot has very little direction. Sure, their adventures together can be followed just fine, but where all these fights are leading to isn’t clear; it’s absent. They make up the entirety of the plot, about 90% across 55 chapters. The fights result to very little. Now, they are essentially students, so it’s understandable that they’re in classrooms and fighting to gain experience and skills, but it’s not necessary to detail every little action they do. It gets repetitive and boring. But more importantly, it does little to progress the plot. The development leads to basically nowhere. There isn’t any clear antagonist or world dilemma that all the characters’ actions are trying to counter or solve. A fitting analogy is a school series of a boy and his friend’s antics.
In short, planning out the events to the end, or at least farther ahead (think, where will all these eventually lead up to? what climax? what resolution?), and weighing the importance and necessity of all events will make this story more successful in engaging readers and create quality storytelling. You have the ability to describe action scenes in detail; it only needs to be more concise. Your story has a lot of potential to grow into something greater.